Dear God Babe, Like It's The Last Time
by BonesBird
Summary: After B'Elanna's self-harm, Tom needs to reassess his priorities, and show the woman he loves what matters most.
1. Dear God

**Title: Dear God Babe, Like it's The Last Time  
****Summary: After B'Elanna's self-harm, Tom needs to reassess his priorities, and show the woman he loves what matters most.  
****Lyrics: "Dear God" by What's Eating Gilbert**

**This was inspired by three songs by What's Eating Gilbert, "Dear God", "Babe" and "Like It's The Last Time". Combining the three song titles gave me the story title too. So, tell me what you think. It's set around "Extreme Risk". Threeshot (one for each song), they aren't amazingly long. Just emptying my brain. Massive thanks, as always, to my bestie PinkAngel17. **

* * *

_**Dear god  
**__**If you're not busy right now  
**__**With someone in another town  
**__**Who might need you more**_

He looked up to the bulkhead above his head and gave a silent prayer to whatever possible deity may possibly be listening to him. He just hoped that whatever was going on, it would be over soon. He wasn't a religious man, he'd never listened to his mother when she'd spoken about god, it had never been something he was interested in. He always believed that science would be the answer, and it couldn't prove that any deity existed.

But now, he'd pray, just so he could cling onto the hope that she'd be OK. That she would get through this, because this was what he needed. He needed her. There was nothing else for it. She was his whole world and had been for the last 5 years.

_**I ask you will you visit her now  
**__**And tell her it's not OK what she's done  
**__**But you forgave her  
**__**So she can move on**_

Seeing her laid on the bed, hearing the doctor call out all the untreated injuries she had. He felt more and more helpless, and wondered how he missed it, how he could have possibly not seen that she was hurting this badly. Why she wanted to do this was still a mystery, but whatever it was, it was his fault he hadn't seen it. He knew that. But he wanted to make sure that she knew he forgave her. That he loved her. That he couldn't accept what she'd done, but he'd forgive her anyway, because he wasn't entirely certain he could live without her.

* * *

_**Dear God  
**__**If you're not busy right now  
**__**With someone in another town  
**__**Who might need you more**_

Her quarters were so cold and dark, she was laid on the bed just staring at the ceiling, not sure what she wanted to do. Everyone knew now. They knew and she was going to be treated differently, like she was damaged, or unable to cope, or something worse, that she was incompetent. She wasn't sure how she'd move past this, but now she'd had to confront what she was doing, she knew, she needed to start working on her issues.

Survivor guilt, that's what the doctor and Chakotay had diagnosed, and they were right. But how would anyone forgive her for this. Forgive her for hiding herself, for hurting herself, for almost dying. They knew her, or thought they had. When her door chime sounded she sat up, looking to the door, unsurprised as to her visitor.

_**I ask you, will you visit me now  
**__**And tell me it's not OK what I've done  
**__**But you forgave me  
**__**And I can move on**_

He said nothing. Just walked in, sat down and wrapped his arms around her, holding her to him tightly. Showing her with actions what she would have never accepted in words. His love would carry her through. When they did speak, he told her it wasn't OK, he couldn't accept her, but that he loved her, and he forgave her for everything.


	2. Babe

**Title: Dear God Babe, Like it's The Last Time  
****Summary: After B'Elanna's self-harm, Tom needs to reassess his priorities, and show the woman he loves what matters most.  
****Lyrics: "Babe" by What's Eating Gilbert**

**So, this is chapter two, and this is slightly more random. My muse is happy with it, my brain is not. I'm sure everyone has had those moments.**

**So many thanks to PinkAngel for this. Apparently, disagreeing with brain leads to me typing the way I talk. She had to read through and correct all my atrocious Welsh/Yorkshire/Lancashire typing. **

**AF. I'm halfway through your story. Just so you know. Well over 2000 words written. **

* * *

_**Travelling around, seeing the world  
**__**After parties, and flirty girls  
**__**They bat their eyes, and throw looks at me  
**__**But in my mind you're all I see**_

He'd finally convinced her out of her quarters. It had been three days since the mission and he'd wanted to get her away from her own mind. Her daily meetings with the Captain and the Doctor notwithstanding, she wasn't around anyone besides him while she was off duty.

Ensign McCauley wasn't helping, she'd always been one of the flirtier members of the crew, even with those she knew were taken. Normally B'Elanna laughed off the stellar cartographer, but right now she was having trouble in that regard. Convincing her of that was sometimes the most difficult part, especially right now.

_**Late night at the dance club  
**__**I've got two left feet but I'm cutting a rug  
**__**We partner up for a song or two  
**__**But no girl's got moves like you**_

He'd been dragged onto the impromptu dancefloor by Naomi and Neelix, who had tried to convince B'Elanna to come, but had given up when Harry had collapsed onto the seat Tom had vacated. But when he looked over, he could see her temper beginning to flair, and knew it was time to get himself back there. Take her back in his arms and remind her that she was the one he always went home with.

_**Argument, a long distance call  
**__**Hard as it gets, we get through it all  
**__**No matter where I roam you know  
**__**My body's here but my heart's at home  
**__**And you're the one I'm thinking of**_

By the time he'd pulled himself away, she had left, and he knew it was pointless to go to her quarters after her. Instead he hailed her through the comm, walking back to her quarters slowly while telling her exactly what he meant, exactly what he felt and what he meant. He loved her, and when he wasn't with her, his body may be away, but his heart was still hers.

_**So babe, why do you act so strange  
**__**Are you just playing games  
**__**Don't doubt my love  
**__**You're the one I'm thinking of**_

When he arrived he pressed the contact, waiting for her to answer. Knowing her game of giving in gradually, not allowing him to think she had forgiven him straight away. He was still too worried to leave her alone, and too guilty about missing the changes in her to stay away for long. He hit the contact again, and a second later she actually let him in, and for the first time, she looked like the B'Elanna she used to be.

_**Oh babe, why do you act so scared  
**__**Like we won't go nowhere  
**__**You're safe because  
**__**You're the one I'm dreaming of**_

She cancelled all of his apologies with one kiss, one movement that told him he had convinced her that she was the one he truly wanted. He didn't need to tell her again, because this time he hoped she believed him.


	3. Like It's The Last Time

**Title: Dear God Babe, Like it's The Last Time  
****Summary: After B'Elanna's self-harm, Tom needs to reassess his priorities, and show the woman he loves what matters most.  
****Lyrics: "Like It's The Last Time" by What's Eating Gilbert**

**This is one of my favourite songs right now. I made a video to it on YouTube, so if you fancy checking it out search for "Tom and B'Elanna – Like It's The Last Time"**

**I'm really, really sorry that I suck at updating at the moment. I'm not quite sure why.**

* * *

_**I'm afraid one kiss from my warm cracked lips  
**__**Would draw blood though you say it tastes better that way  
**__**But with my rep so big and the list so long  
**__**You might run from me  
**__**That's why I always**_

He hadn't expected her to forgive him as quickly as she had. Every time they had fought he had had to grovel to get back to her. Maybe this time she had decided that it really wasn't his fault. It didn't matter, he was just glad that she had accepted him into her quarters. He brushed her hair away from her face, smiling at her as he leaned in for another kiss. When he pulled back he just laid beside her, watching her, memorising her face so that no matter what happened he wouldn't forget her features.

_**I'm afraid one touch, 'cause my hands are so rough  
**__**Might bruise your skin yet you still pull me in  
**__**You're still so young, and you've got so much  
**__**Going on for you girl  
**__**That's why I always**_

"What are you thinking?" She asked, threading her fingers through his, studying his face with the same intensity he'd been studying hers. He took a few deep breaths before responding.

"About you" he said, being as vague as he could be, worried that she would bolt if he told her that he was thinking about their future, if they had one, and all of his fears.

"What about?" She prodded, not moving away or letting go of his hand.

"How I'm so afraid you'll change your mind about me, how you'll realise I'm not worth your time, when you'll figure out that the rep is right" he sighed, and watched her, surprised when she burst out laughing, then kissed him as hard as she could.

_**Kiss you like it's the last time I'll get to  
**_'_**Cause I never know if you'll change your mind  
**__**You say you're gonna love me for all of eternity  
**__**But that kind of love is too hard to find**_

"Tom, please. We've been on this ship together for more than four years. We've been together more than a year. I think I know who you are. Maybe better than you do. The rep is all wrong" She smiled, laying back down against the pillow, holding his hand tighter.

"How do you know"

"You're still here, even though I've done some stupid things, especially recently." She sighed and looked at him, her eyes shining in the reflected light of the stars rushing by the viewport. "There's a Klingon word, for the person you entrust your heart too. The person you're certain will never leave."

"What's that?" he whispered, unable to understand why this woman loved him the way she did. When he wasn't the best boyfriend, when he hadn't seen the pain she was going through, but she was still there with him, reassuring him when he should be helping her.

"Par'mach'kai. Tom, you're my par'mach'kai" she whispered, wrapping her arms around him as she pulled him into the tightest embrace he could ever remember.

_**And I want it to work so bad  
**__**But you're gone for a long, long time  
**__**I'll kiss you like it's the last time I'll get to  
**_'_**Cause I never know if you'll change your mind**_

He still wanted to remember every detail of her face, the feeling of her lips on his, his hand on hers. He never knew when might be the last time he held her. But he knew that there was nothing going to keep them apart if they worked on it. He wanted them to work, and he knew beyond all doubt they would work past her self-harm, and his fear of commitment, because something had drawn them together.


End file.
